“Pilgrim of the New Millennium”

This is what was stated in one of certificate sent to me by the Israel Ministry of Tourism. Another one certifies “Catherine Mijares-Chua is a Goodwill Ambassador for Tourism of Israel.” Both were signed by the Israel Tourism Minister and the Mayor of Jerusalem. How in the world did I earn those titles? A streak of luck? Sheer determination? God’s grace? Nothing happens by chance so I think I know how.

  I live a relatively charmed life. I am comfortable in my existence as fulltime wife and mother, freelance writer, Church worker, and volunteer staff for a coalition of organizations working for children’s rights. I have a very successful and loving husband who give me everything I need and want. I have wonderful and beautiful children and great friends. I try to make a difference in the lives of people. In the eyes of many, I am the ideal family person. It is exactly what I want to be.

I like my life but somehow, something is amiss. Perhaps, it is on the spiritual aspect, which I have begun to rediscover after having been busy for so long attending to others. The issue of existential emptiness has taken meaning too.

So who says that physical suffering and internal turmoil are the exclusive domain of the marginalized, the physically oppressed, desolate, and godless?

You see, sometimes we think that when we often do good things, whether consciously or unconsciously, and be faithful to our religious obligations, our life will always go well. How utterly wrong I was to believe them. The Jubilee Year 2000 was a turning point. I found myself by the fork on the road. Whichever road I took would mean the beginning of my life as a pilgrim of the heart, and being one would be difficult. So I stood there on the crossroad for a very long time. Afraid and alone in the dark night of my soul, I reminded myself that the heart knows and recognizes the truth. The heart will show me the way to the truth – what I was actually looking for. I could have chosen to stay where it was comfortable. But I would have never known what I know now if I did.

It has been quite a journey. The year is about to end and in those almost six years I have discovered so many things: shocking revelations, pain of betrayal, forgiveness, unconditional love, acceptance, trust, friendship, appreciation. Rebuilding one’s life; creating a ‘new normal.’ There have been more smooth rides than bumpy ones and for these I am thankful.

The highlight of 2006 was to be an unexpected invitation from the Ministry of Tourism of Israel, the International Travel Congress, and El Al Air for me to join a nine-man Philippine Delegation of Media people to visit Israel with a mission to inform the Filipinos that it was safe to visit the Holy Land.

My husband was in Bangkok when I got a call from my producer, Meng Canlas that I was to go with her. It was Friday midnight and we were leaving Sunday afternoon. I had to get my husband’s permission quick, and I was sure he would say no. called him anyway. My phone call woke him and I started rambling. Sleepily he said, “you are asking my permission to go to Israel at this time when there have been bombings there? No, you can’t go. Now go to sleep. It’s very late. I love you.” Then he hung up,.

I didn’t know what to tell Meng. I really wanted to go so I went on with the paperwork anyway. Only my youngest child was excited for me. The two older ones and my siblings (the price of being youngest of 11) were talking me out of it. I was confused but it was something I want and have to do. I called up a dear friend, Bing and told him of my apprehensions.

“So why can’t you go?” Bing asked.

“Because everyone is concerned about my safety and what if they are right.”

“And why do want to go?” he asked again.

“Because it is something I will be doing for myself, to prove to myself that I can do it against all odds.”

“Then go. You know, nothing can be sweeter than being able to prove something to yourself,” my good friend quipped.

That very short exchange did it, and shortly I was all set. It is not every day that one gets the opportunity to conquer fear. I felt a sense of adventure growing in me.

The journey begins

  Sunday came, the eighth of October. We flew to Hongkong and then caught the El Alplane that took us to Tel Aviv. We were met at the Tel Aviv airport by representatives from the Ministry of Tourism and by Jacob who was to be our tour guide for the next four days. It was three in the morning of Monday and our itinerary noted that out tour (or work) would start at 8 a.m. after breakfast. The Jerusalem Gate Hotel was an hour away from the airport so we were able to take a quick shower and catch a few winks before we started shooting our first batch of footages of the Holy Land. I went there as a writer of a television production team.

Jerusalem is built of limestones all over. That was my initial impression of it. AS the sun rose higher on an unusually warm October day, the view of the Old City from Mount Scopus with the Dome of the Rock standing out was dazzling. There was something about being in the Holy Land that awakened all my senses. To breathe the air that Jesus breathed; to weep inside as I was reminded of His agony and to understand what it is like to ask that “the cup be taken away,” and to surrender to Our Father’s will; to feel the breeze that touched His face; to wet my hands and feet at the Jordan River where Christ was baptized, and to sail on the same sea where He walked and calmed the storm; to listen to the whisper of the gentle wind on the mountain where He preached; to kiss the spot where He was born, where He died, and where He resurrected. How can anyone not be overwhelmed? And yet the Holy Land allowed me to shut everything out so that I could fully internalize what it was all about – the “ground zero” of all the good things I was taught, all that I have tried to lived by and all that I believe in – my Catholic faith.

The Holy Land inspires wonder and adoration. It makes a person reflect on the paths he has taken and the events that have happened or are happening in his life. At least that is how my Holy Land experience was. I was visiting a “place deep within myself” that I have lost and which God has now returned to me. It was like a homecoming.

Sadly, Jerusalem, “The City of Peace,” has known wars and destruction since its existence was fist recorded in Scriptures. Luckily, it was the Feast of the Tabernacle when we were there so that thousands of people came to celebrate the crossing of the desert. It was a joyful week and as we toured the Holy Land, there were only warm smiles and nods. It was a place embraced by peace and we felt really safe.

Getsemane was among the places that touched me most. The sight of ancient and twisted olive trees, shoots of those that were living witnesses to Jesus’ agony gave me goose-bumps. I felt a lump in my throat  when I saw a little cove with a  carving of Jesus bent, almost prostrate on a rock begging for mercy. I sat there for a while and a myriad thoughts and feelings came rushing. Then it was time to go to the Old City to see the other holy sites in our itinerary. We had to remind ourselves that we were there not as pilgrims but as guests of the government as media people given a mandate.

  We entered the Damascus Gate. How thrilling it was to walk on the same path that the holy people of yore trod. I thought it was wonderful that they preserved everything but I was not too glad with the distractions of all the stores and bazaars from end to end selling all kinds of wares and souvenir items. I imagined Jesus toppling tables of merchandise as we walked through the crowded alleys filled with different scents and aromas. For a moment I looked up and saw that we were standing at the Seventh Station of the Cross. It was right there where Jesus met the women! And what kind of a message was that for me when I have been planning to do something for women? The late Pope John Paul II repeated many times during his time that “the Church sees in the faces of women a beauty in which the noblest sentiments of the human heart can be discovered: love totally offered, the strength to support the greatest sufferings, faithfulness without limits and working without fatigue, a deep intuition together with words of encouragement.” I think I will follow through.

Further up and down we went the winding alley until we reached the holiest shrine of Christendom, the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. The church was build over Golgotha or Calvary where Jesus was crucified and on the tomb where Jesus was buried and resurrected. It all looks surreal yet in spite of the scars left by time and history, the distractions of the decorations inside (and outside) the church, still the meaning of love and hope remains and you cannot help but say a prayer of thanksgiving and contrition.

Next stop was the Western Wall or the Wailing Wall. The men were separated from the women. I managed to squeeze myself through the very thick crowd and found a place to touch the Wall, say my prayers, and slip through a few prayer intentions into the crevices. You do not walk away with your back to the Wall. You face it until you are about halfway far and then you can turn your back and head for the exit. I don’t know how many toes I have stepped on. Thanks to our production assistant, Edith, who was right behind me guiding me to move left or right, otherwise I or the two of us would have toppled over babies’ prams and chairs.

It must be unfair to say that you have a favorite place to visit or would like to come back to in the Holy Land but I must confess that to sail on the Sea of Galilee is something I would like to do again. Eric Maliwat, the radio station manager, read something from Matthew’s Gospel about Peter being scared and of Jesus calming the storm and walking on the water. Being on the boat and listening to the reading was so comforting. The blue cloudless skies and the still green waters found me and fellow writers Josie Darang and Sonia Cabug scribbling inspired thoughts in the little notepads writers can’t live without. “You of little faith… Do not be afraid.” “Bu not afraid” These are words that I say like a mantra.

The four-day tour was really a crash course on Holy Land and the history of Israel. WE had so much to cover but so little time. We missed some of the holy sites but managed to see the Mount of Beatitudes, which lay peacefully by the shore of the Sea of Galilee. The Church of the Beatitudes has been built there. The two millennia-year old boat at the museum was something we were grateful not missing. It is evidently the type of boat used on the Sea of Galilee for both fishing and for transportation. Indeed, it may be that type of boat was used by Jesus and his disciples.

There took was Tabgha, the site where the multiplication of the five loaves of bread and two fish happened. A church was built over the mosaic representing the miracle of the multiplication to feed 5,000 people.

Capharnaum, the town of Jesus where he performed His miracles and ministry is a miracle in itself. One is greeted close to the entrance by a bronze statue of Saint Peter. It was here where Peter lived and where Jesus lived with him. The remains of the synagogue where people gathered to listen to Jesus’ preaching’s  and to be healed by Him are still there.

Of course a visit to the Holy Land would be incomplete if one does not go to Nazareth. It is written that when Pope Paul VI visited Nazareth in 1964, he left three messages to remember about Nazareth: the lesson of silence; the lesson of every day work; and, the lesson of family life. It was in Nazareth that Jesus spent His childhood. It was in Nazareth took, in a cave now housed in the Church of Annunciation that the Angel Gabriel appeared to the young Virgin Mary that she was chosen to become the mother of God. Nazareth offers a lesson in faith and obedience as shown by Mary. Her life was a pilgrimage in faith.

Nazareth and Bethlehem even by today’s modern and comfortable transportation standards are quite a distance from each other and therefore a tiring trip. I imagined Mary, heavy with child traveling on a donkey. Our only inconvenience at that time was to go through the Palestinian checkpoint, and to get off the bus since our Jewish driver and our Jewish tour guide were not allowed inside the Arab territory. We had to walk through a small gate and were met by another guide who took us to another bus that was to take us to see Bethlehem. He pointed to us the Shepherd’s Field where the angel appeared to the shepherds watching their flock to announce the news of the birth of the Messiah.

Bethlehem, which means house of bread, was the heart of my ‘pilgrimage’ to the Holy Land. At the Church of the Nativity, we went down the cave where an altar was built on the spot where Jesus was born. I knelt and kissed it and asked Him to be born in my heart. There too was the Church of Saint Catherine where Christmas Masses are held. How cool is it that another namesake is a martyred saint and a church has been built in her name on the grounds where Jesus was born?

I imagine it is Christmas everyday in Bethlehem so why should it not be so for us believers, more generous, and more peaceful people. After all, He came as the Prince of Peace. He came to bring peace to everyone regardless of race, color, stature, or creed – a peace that descends into each heart that must learn acceptance, love, and tolerance. Without peace within and among us, His birth would be meaningless.

At the end of the trip, I began to regret the times when I whimpered, “I wish I had.” I learned that eh best thing to say is “I did it!” in triumph. Most importantly, it is rediscovering what you think you have lost and being more than glad that it was really just there waiting for you to reclaim it. The heart truly reveals only the truth. What a journey it has been. Yet I know that being a pilgrim of the heart, it will continue a walk into the unknown but I am not afraid anymore.

I bid you Shalom! Which is a Hebrew word for peace? But more than peace, Shalom has a very special breadth of meanings – health, joy, wholeness, good friends, prosperity, and comfort. I wish you all a basket of blessings. From my family to yours, Shalom! God’s peace and blessings be with you, especially this Christmas.