When people ask me why I became a religious sister, I am often at a loss for words. It’s still a mystery to me. I grew up in a German immigrant family with a strong, hardworking mother and a pious, intellectual brother. I enjoyed helping the nuns after school and went to daily Mass and church devotions whenever I could. I don’t think I was especially devout; it was just an approved way to get out of the house.

I was a better than average student, but never had any leadership roles or achieved any special honors in high school. Most of my friends didn’t go to college, but my teachers told my mother I should go and they recommended a college away from home. They believed I needed to develop some independence and maturity. Since my mother respected the sisters and listened to their advice, I ended up at a small Benedictine women’s college in Kansas.

I had though of a religious vocation during high school, but became resistant when one of the sisters became too “pushy.” I had dreams of becoming a writer and wanted to major journalism, but the college didn’t offer that degree so I ended up as an English major. I applied myself to my studies and got good grades, but never did anything outstanding. I was shy and introverted and rarely dated during my two years in college. I did develop a friendship with a young man from the men’s college across town but I was not interested in marrying him.

The sisters at the college were very inspiring. I wanted to be like them, especially Sister Dunstan, Sister Scholastica and Sister Joachim. Sister Dunstan was a brilliant philosopher, who taught me English composition and logic. I was in awe of her, but found her exceptionally patient whenever I asked for help. She was a wonderful teacher and in her classes I learned how to think and write clearly as well as to do research and express my opinions.

Sister Scholastica was an English instructor who taught creative writing. She encouraged me to see things with the eye of a poet and to appreciate the classics and other significant literature. She suffered from a weak heart, and I always admired her dedication in spite of her physical limitations.

Sister Joachim was my dorm counselor and an talented musician. Although I did not take any of her classes, I liked her air of mystery and love of music. She had a way of making me want to do what was good and never to disappoint her.

As I continued to think about a religious vocation, I spoke to the college chaplain, a very charismatic theology instructor at the college. He encouraged me to test my vocation by entering convent after my sophomore year in college. He told me I should stay at least six months and I would know if God was calling me to religious life.

Six months turned into fifty years. It has been a good life, although not always easy. Teaching was a struggle for me and I found that my original desire to be a writer was more my gift. I earned a master’s degree in English and later pursued some graduate courses in spirituality and journalism. I have worked on a couple of diocesan newspapers and written articles for several Catholic magazines. I enjoy writing inspirational essays, poetry, and expressing my views in editorial columns.

For the past several years I have been editor of a religious magazine for monastic men and women. It provides an opportunity to become acquainted with some very gifted authors and to study more about Benedictine life and values. I have also served as director of public relations at a small, inner city community college which enabled me to use my writing and communication skills. I enjoyed working with many minority students who struggle to overcome incredible obstacles to continue their education.

The rhythm of monastic life with its periods of prayer, work and community living have provided the kind of structure I need. The support and love of the community I have committed myself to have been very life-giving. The sisters accept my weaknesses and foibles and help me to take myself less seriously. They have also challenged me to grow and to become freer and more whole, to discard the protective facades I used to keep people at a distance. I still have a long way to go, but by the grace of God, I am willing to continue the journey.

When I look back over my life I am amazed at all the opportunities I have had to learn, to travel, to live with wonderful women, and to nourish my spiritual life. I pray that I might have the courage to respond  more fully to my call each day.

What does the future of religious life hold? Diminishment, yes. Uncertainty, to be sure. But the mysterious attraction that drew me so long ago is still there. I reflect often on God’s call to Jeremiah: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.” (Jer.1:5) Jeremiah thought he was too young, and not to speak very well, but God chose him anyway. I believe that God chooses the weak and the ordinary to show what his power can do.

Vocations and Prayer

The Catholic Magazine on Vocation Ministry

April – June  2008, #72 Vol. XVII No. 2